A House United

Nicholeen Peck's new and long awaited book arrived today in my mail. The Title is A House United: Changing Children's Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government. It doesn't exactly roll of the tongue, but it is accurate. I get a whole entire two weeks off of school and have way too much planned for my "free time." I'm going to try and get through as much of this book as I can. In just skimming it, I am excited to get into it.

A few more thoughts on Teaching Self Government

When I was praying and pondering on where to go for further parenting advice I was very cautious. Behaviourist modification seems to be very popular right now, but I just don't feel comfortable with these approaches. Often I had difficulty pinpointing exactly what it was in these ideas that I didn't feel comfortable with, just that I needed to move on. They have some good ideas and points, but ultimately, I disagree with fundamental, underlying assumptions. I do not believe that a child is there to manipulate or that it is right to do so. Each child was already a complete individual before they came to me and I need to acknowledge that. They are not mine, they belong to the Lord and I am charged with their care and training. I need to respect the agency of others.

So when I decided I needed more direction, I was leery of whose direction I would follow. This is probably why I spent so much time looking and reading the scriptures. I do feel that I was guided to Teaching Self Government. It may not have all the answers, or be the best for every family. But I feel it will help me in my goal of not having perfect children, but of raising adults who know who they are and have the confidence to follow their missions.

Teaching Self Government

I love children. They each challenge me in a different way. It seems Daniel is determined to make me a better parent. Steven just goes with the flow. Isaac is so undemanding (unless you fail to prepare him for a change, but that is rare). But Daniel really likes to push buttons. He must enjoy the power he can have over people. For about a year, I have known that I need to find a better way to parent him, or our lives would just be a series of futile power struggles which would just get worse. I think I could really ruin the kid if I do not start doing something differently.

I have pondered and prayed about this quite a bit. Last Spring I heard a talk given by Nicholeen Peck on teaching your children self government. She was the foster parent of many tough kids for several years. Today she parents her own children using the methods she learned as a foster parent. When she and her husband received training as foster parents they were taught parenting skills that were originally developed in Boys Town. Now I admit that the only reference I had to Boys Town was the movie with Spencer Tracy. He played a Father Flanagan who started a home for troubled youth.

Nicholeen has taken the lessons she learned and applied gospel principles. The one hour talk I heard was abridged from her 7 hour seminar. I knew I needed the whole thing so I finally gathered the money to get the seminar recordings. I have learned so much from her and what little I have been able to implement in our home, has already improved things for all of us and encouraged me to continue.

Last week, the Pecks were featured in one of Britain's reality shows called "The Worlds Strictest Parents." Here is the link to see the show. http://teachingselfgovernment.com/worlds-strictest-parents-video-part-1_482/ I have enjoyed reading her blog as she talks about all that happened that didn't make the final cut.

But it is not just about troubled kids; it is about changing hearts. Learning self government is about learning how to govern you own behavior, about finding a reason to change; not just power struggles. These are skills that many adults have never developed. In a nutshell I have learned how to set up a system of family government. This leaves me the ability to love, teach, and change hearts.