16 years

We have been married for 16 years. In some ways that seems like a long time, in others, we have hardly begun. I am enjoying marriage more now than I thought I could. We have grown so much together. We have grater patience and understanding for each other and others. We understand each other so much better know, he truly is my best friend. I am so grateful to my husband for all that he does for me. He smiles at my crazy ideas and kindly brings me back to my senses. At the same time he lets me fly. He is a good husband and father. I am truly blessed. We are not big on celebrating such events, they usually become quiet events. This year was no exception. This year our anniversary was tucked between the birth of a new son, and the baptism of another mingled in with family visits. That is OK though. I look forward to what this next year will bring us.
May 31, 1994

First Week Musings

It never really struck me the first 2 or 3 babies, but since then it has. During postpartum time I am so grateful for the little things. Running water, warm water, showers, washers and driers, warm houses away from drafts, disposable conveniences. I am in awe of the centuries of women who have done this without these wonderful gifts. I am truly blessed.

The kids are adoring Joshua. It is so fun to watch. I love the first few days with such a special new spirit. I seem to forget how special new babies really are.




I have been absolutely horrible about returning phone calls this week. Joshua is having a hard time learning to latch on. By Thursday morning, he was looking very jaundiced, his dirty diapers had dropped down to only one or two wet and no poopy, and we had spent a very frustrating night with him trying, but not being able to eat. I called the Doctor / midwife Thursday morning. She had me come in right away. His jaundice wasn't too bad, but of concern. He had also lost 18 oz. She gave me a breast shield to try. I had never used one, but it seemed to help. So every hour that I was awake, he needed to be nursing, if he didn't improve, we would need to go to the hospital. No Pressure!?! Friday his jaundice looked much better, he had had 4 wet diapers, but his weight was still down, stabilized, but he hadn't gained. I needed to get his weight up and my milk supply up. I would also need to pump and give him that too.




I have a hand pump but never really got the hang of it. So Joshua and I stopped at WalMart to get an electric pump. I don't like carrying those car seats, so I just wrapped him up in my coat. It was raining a bit so he was hidden. Here I was, Woman on a mission: get in, get that machine (ignore the one more expense) and get out, so my baby can be healthy. I am not seeing all the people smiling and looking at me until a scruffy looking 20 year old guy said "Hi" to me. That woke me out of my zone. Again, I had forgotten how special babies are. I began to return the smiles that I was receiving only because I was carrying a baby. I had brought joy into Walmart by bringing my baby.

So we began this absolutely insane schedule of nursing and pumping every two hours. WHAT?!? It is not even physically possible to to fit that into a two hour period. At least not if I am supposed to eat, let alone sleep. Here I am waking a new born to eat at 3:00 AM. But I do my best. He is gaining, but I can't keep up with the pumping too. About the time I started bleeding, I decided that I would try supplementing with formula. I would still nurse at the right times, but I would try to get another ounce of formula in him too. This is working better. (I realized I hadn't showered in 3 days.) My mission is to get him back up to birth weight and then I can work on the latching-on issues.





I do not like the idea of formula, especially for such a new person. I love breastfeeding. I love the convenience, simplicity, bonding, cost, and child spacing it provides for me. But as I see him chow down on that bottle, I am very tempted to put it aside. Many breastfeeding purists would criticize and consider me a failure. At this point I figure if my baby does not thrive, I am failure. I'll keep fighting for the breastfeeding; the health benefits are so worth it in my mind.




Asking for frozen dinners instead of gifts was pure inspiration. It has been such a blessing not having to worry about dinners in the middle of all of this. I have been so absorbed with taking care of him. So if you are among the many I was planning on calling this week and didn't, this is my excuse.

Happy Birthday Daniel / Welcome Joshua

So the revised the due date (12th) came and went. Since he wasn't coming and he wasn't coming, we started to wonder if the original due date was more accurate after all. I was really hoping to have Daniel's birthday and the new baby's birthday at least a week apart. I finally began to think that I was forever going to be that big and live with sciatica.

So Daniel's birthday and due date came (Saturday the 22nd). We had a fun birthday for him. He received the watch he had been wanting so badly and all the neighborhood kids came over for cake (that way I'm not tempted to finish it).

Rebecca, Daniel, and his motorcycle cake

Steven accompanied "Happy Birthday" on his guitar

Then Sunday morning at about 2:00 I was woken up by "a real contraction." I had them rather consistently for a while at about 10 minutes apart. They eventually tapered off and I got some more sleep. But this was the day. Tawni (sis in law) and Sage (sister) came over with all sorts of food. (Tawni left us with 3-4 dinners. Bless that woman!!!) But I wasn't moving quite fast enough and she had to go and rescue Hyrum from his National Guard Drills. Sage stayed though and kept the kids occupied as my contractions became more intense. We called the midwife at about 6:00 and she headed over. Our baby was born at 9:26pm.

He weighed 9lb 4oz and 22 in long. Our biggest yet. With this and a few other indicators we figure he was over due after all. Daniel didn't get him for his birthday, but they are now birthday neighbors.

Steven had all the kids calling him Joshua and since Mom and Dad never really came up with anything else, he won. We finally decided to name him Joshua Moroni Johnson.

Naturally our camera decided to loose itself so we have only a few cell phone pictures. Rebecca has misplaced the phone and I don't want to wait any longer to post this. I'll have to add them later. sorry. Here is one to keep you going.

Where is that baby?

On Tuesday a few ladies in the ward had a baby shower for me. I really didn't need anything. I have become more of a minimalist than I use to be. So what we finally decided to do was to have everyone bring a frozen dinner instead of a typical gift. It turned out pretty well. I definitely need more freezer space!!!

I went to see my midwife on Wednesday. So as of that day, I was about 75% effaced and dilated to about 3 cm. So at least something is happening. Today I am having contractions, but nothing regular yet.

We decided not to go to the Armed Forces Day parade in Bremerton tomorrow. I would really like to, but I don't want to be that far away from home or have Jonny that far away from me. So we will all stay home. Chances are that in another week we will still be waiting though. Steven has been begging to go sailing and since the weather is fabulous, they just might go out for a while tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

Just a Rambling

I miss my Mom. I have always gone to my Mom to share all of the little things: fun things that happen, my epiphanies, to bounce ideas off of, and to share what I am learning and working on. I share with her all of the things that that Jonny isn't really interested in because they are little and in more of the woman's realm.

But Mom is becoming more ill all the time. Her health is declining significantly and her memory is markedly worse. I still suspect some type of undiagnosed dementia. (There is no test for dementia, just a process of ruling out other possibilities. Some of these tests have been done, but not enough to make a diagnosis.) Even since we have been back in Washington, her memory has become much worse. She is forgetting how to use the phone and Dad finally just canceled her cell phone. She would rarely answer her phone anyway and could not remember how to check messages. When I do talk to her she has a very difficult time having a conversation. She forgets what she just said or what she was about to say so there is little rhyme or reason to any train of thought. She only eats about 1000 calories a day: she just isn't hungry. When she does eat, she is nauseous and often vomits it up. She needs almost constant care. I know it is stressful on Dad. We are closer than we use to be, but it is still 1 1/2 hour drive one way, and that just doesn't fit into the schedule very often. It sure isn't close enough to help out any.

But I am being selfish. I want my Mom and I am slowly loosing her. She should be the one to help me during this delivery. I do not have anyone to share all of the little things with and everything I have been learning. I even found myself feeling jealous of the women I see at church who still have healthy mothers to be with. Bad, I know!!

I do not know how much I really want to share here either. I am still a shy, private person and I do not really care to broadcast to the world my little daily life stuff. Besides, I am also rather paranoid about Internet postings in general. Nothing is private or sacred on the Internet and can be accessed by anyone who really wants to do so. I have been rather particular to whom I give my blog address, but that doesn't mean that people can't find me through my friends' or families' sites. I am probably making too much out of that though.

Well, Jonny may just end up learning more about me. At least he has more patience about my ramblings than he use to. I am also spending more time in quiet contemplation, pondering, and prayer: not necessarily a bad thing.

PLEASE NOTE: My suspicion about Mom's condition is just that = It is only a guess, and it is mine. Others do not agree with me.

Archery

Have I told you (bragged on) how good Steven is with archery? Jefferson Academy (the charter school in Show Low) had an archery class. Steven fell in love. At the time we were able to buy one of those cheap (toy) bows from Walmart. He has been saving ever since for a real bow. With a wonderful gift from Grandma, he was able to finally get his Genesis Bow after Christmas.

In early March we found a 4H archery club in Mount Vernon. It is almost a 45 minute drive, so we do not go every week. But he has already made a name for himself there. He is the kid "who doesn't need sights." (He has just gotten use to not using them and when he tries, they mess him up.) But even without sights, he shoots better than almost everyone else there. The kid is actually pretty good!

Finding order in this place.

Yesterday Jonny accused me of nesting. WHAT, just because I am having the kids help me scour every forgotten corner of this place?!? OK, maybe nesting is part of it. Another part is knowing that it needs to be done. A third reason is that in having a home birth, I will be inviting people into my home and I want to minimize my embarrassment. But the main reason is my children. I have been doing to much for them. They are capable and deserve to have me do them the favor of teaching them to work themselves.

Housekeeping has never been one of my strengths and with my lazy nature, I have had difficulty learning to do it while teaching my children to do it at the same time. I have fallen into the trap of doing most of it for them. I finally came to some realizations (in part inspired by the lazy organizer). I'm not sure how much time I want to spend in confession mode right now. But I have had some epiphanies over the last couple weeks. Some were some duhh moments, but apparently I have needed them spelled out for me.


One thing she said that just hit me was this:
"There is a reason why we have to prepare meals, wash clothes, clean up dirt, care for our homes and the people in it. These are not meaningless activities that get in the way of real life. THIS IS LIFE .... My purpose in life is to care for my family and clean the dirt every day."


So, my job is not to get the house work out of the way so that I can get to the noble business of changing the world. My job is to get up, teach my children how to work, and really love my job. It has been a huge paradigm shift that I am loving.

Consequentially, we have been spending several hours a day working together. It has been great. I am very surprised my energy level has remained as high as it has. Usually at this point in pregnancy, I sweep the floor and then have to sit and rest before I can grab the dust pan to finish the job. Even with my poor sleeping I am able to do quite a bit. Maybe it has to do with those green smoothies I have been making :-)


I actually made it past that first big hurdle that always throws me back to where I was before. I know there will be more (like childbirth and family vising) but I am on my way.

I am loving my job. YAHOO!!

Waiting for Baby

Well, they have moved my official due date to May 12. The ultrasounds and measurements all point to that date instead of the 22nd. That is fine by me. I sure won't complain about missing out on the last 10 days.







So that means that I have less than a week to go.

So the kids have been making sure I get my daily walks.

We live on a little circle that just happens to be 1/4 of a mile around; perfect for laps if it was flat!!






You didn't really want to see a picture of me did you? These guys are a lot cuter.

Our New Addition

Jonny's truck's transmission finally decided to die right in time for tax refund time. He has been babying that thing since we moved here. (His brother, Andy, pushed it a bit too hard while he was driving it to Washington last October. It hasn't had 2nd or 4th gears since.) At the same time our Mazda Wagon, while it does fit 7, is very small. So we have been trying to decide if we should replace one, the other, or both.

May I just say, I was never going to be the owner of a full size van. Actually, come to think of it, I was never going to own a mini van either. Then life happens. So here is our new van.

I am actually rather fond of it. It seats 15 with 4 benches. Jonny pointed out that it can be our emergency shelter on wheels. We can keep our 72 our kits and stuff in there and always be prepared.