Back to Zones

We have been functioning on minimal maintenance (if even that) since Joshua arrived. Next week I want to get back to our work zones and do a deeper cleaning each day. I use to think that I had to do one zone a week because that is what was always recommended. This was because they were always trying to tell me "this is all you have to do today so you can do it." Instead, I will work on a zone until it is finished and then move on to the next zone whether it takes 2 days or 2 weeks. What was happening was I was finishing early and then getting a break. This is not good if I am trying to create a habit. The idea is to get into the habit of consistently working through them.

Zone 1 Laundry Room / Garage, Playroom and Outside
Zone 2 Bathrooms and Bedrooms
Zone 3 Kitchen and Dining Room
Zone 4 Living Room and Desk

It is good to have a smaller house!

Now Daniel likes to use the chore cards. Steven prefers a simple list. I wonder if I can accommodate both of their preferences without doing too much myself.

The other trick is working in our rhythm. (Of course the flow of the day is often determined by the level of successfulness of the bed time routine from the night before.) I want to include:

Clean bedrooms
Breakfast
Scriptures
Chores
With feeding Joshua and pumping somewhere in the mix. This is what is messing up the flow.

By this time, they usually need a good break. Now during the school year, this would all happen before we begin school for the day. If we are slow then school doesn't start until almost lunch time.

I need to figure out when I will do my own studying too. I would like to do as much before they wake up as possible, (without starting the day out too late) and then have an hour or two in the afternoon when I have uninterrupted time. (Yeah right, with Joshua?!?)

Be prayerful. Take it one day at a time. Create a victory list.
I think I need someone to report to; someone who will keep me accountable, not to perfection, but to progression.

Speak Slower

In one of my recent classes this article was shared by the instructor.

An adult speaks at about 170 words per minute, but a toddler only hears at about 120 words per minute. Even Teens only hear at about 145 words per minute.

Conclusion: They may not be ignoring you or being defiant. They may not be comprehending what you are saying.

Fred Rogers practiced speaking at 124 words per minute. (Maybe that is why he was so popular. "Finally an adult I understand!!!")

I shared this recently with a friend. She consciously started speaking slower and was just amazed at how her little girls began following her instructions. "It was like magic."

A House United

Nicholeen Peck's new and long awaited book arrived today in my mail. The Title is A House United: Changing Children's Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government. It doesn't exactly roll of the tongue, but it is accurate. I get a whole entire two weeks off of school and have way too much planned for my "free time." I'm going to try and get through as much of this book as I can. In just skimming it, I am excited to get into it.

A Little Announcement

Well, I am not quite ready to announce this yet, but as it is starting to leak, I probably should. It appears that we will be having a new baby sometime mid May (I am hoping for the 12th-my sister's birthday). I honestly did not expect this one to last, which is one reason we haven't said anything for so long. After miscarrying twice as many children as we have kept the odds were not in our favor to begin with. Last time I lost the baby at 16 weeks, but there had been signs that something was not quite right all along. I have reached the 17 week mark with this one, and all seems to be going well.



With my, and my children's education as such a big focus right now, I really did not think that this would be asked of me until I finished my degree. Maybe I am a stronger person than I thought I was. But I do know that a way will be provided and that I will receive the help I need. The knowledge that I desperately need that help, and the assurance that it will be provided, has humbled me more than I care to admit. I am awed that the Lord trusts me this much to give me so many responsibilities.

A few more thoughts on Teaching Self Government

When I was praying and pondering on where to go for further parenting advice I was very cautious. Behaviourist modification seems to be very popular right now, but I just don't feel comfortable with these approaches. Often I had difficulty pinpointing exactly what it was in these ideas that I didn't feel comfortable with, just that I needed to move on. They have some good ideas and points, but ultimately, I disagree with fundamental, underlying assumptions. I do not believe that a child is there to manipulate or that it is right to do so. Each child was already a complete individual before they came to me and I need to acknowledge that. They are not mine, they belong to the Lord and I am charged with their care and training. I need to respect the agency of others.

So when I decided I needed more direction, I was leery of whose direction I would follow. This is probably why I spent so much time looking and reading the scriptures. I do feel that I was guided to Teaching Self Government. It may not have all the answers, or be the best for every family. But I feel it will help me in my goal of not having perfect children, but of raising adults who know who they are and have the confidence to follow their missions.

Teaching Self Government

I love children. They each challenge me in a different way. It seems Daniel is determined to make me a better parent. Steven just goes with the flow. Isaac is so undemanding (unless you fail to prepare him for a change, but that is rare). But Daniel really likes to push buttons. He must enjoy the power he can have over people. For about a year, I have known that I need to find a better way to parent him, or our lives would just be a series of futile power struggles which would just get worse. I think I could really ruin the kid if I do not start doing something differently.

I have pondered and prayed about this quite a bit. Last Spring I heard a talk given by Nicholeen Peck on teaching your children self government. She was the foster parent of many tough kids for several years. Today she parents her own children using the methods she learned as a foster parent. When she and her husband received training as foster parents they were taught parenting skills that were originally developed in Boys Town. Now I admit that the only reference I had to Boys Town was the movie with Spencer Tracy. He played a Father Flanagan who started a home for troubled youth.

Nicholeen has taken the lessons she learned and applied gospel principles. The one hour talk I heard was abridged from her 7 hour seminar. I knew I needed the whole thing so I finally gathered the money to get the seminar recordings. I have learned so much from her and what little I have been able to implement in our home, has already improved things for all of us and encouraged me to continue.

Last week, the Pecks were featured in one of Britain's reality shows called "The Worlds Strictest Parents." Here is the link to see the show. http://teachingselfgovernment.com/worlds-strictest-parents-video-part-1_482/ I have enjoyed reading her blog as she talks about all that happened that didn't make the final cut.

But it is not just about troubled kids; it is about changing hearts. Learning self government is about learning how to govern you own behavior, about finding a reason to change; not just power struggles. These are skills that many adults have never developed. In a nutshell I have learned how to set up a system of family government. This leaves me the ability to love, teach, and change hearts.