Quote, plus more

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an unfinished task." William James

So true. Then why do I do it? I have a phone call that I have been meaning to make for two months now. I just keep thinking about it and not doing it. CRAZY!!


I have now joined a new class of people. I am now an "EPer." "EPing" refers to Exclusively Pumping (breast milk for baby). Did you know there were people who do this for a year or more? I was amazed. I wonder if I have the stamina to come close to that. I really do not want to rely on formula. Why, if I am slowly eliminating processed foods from my family's diet, would I give my baby the most processed food I could find? The FDA, of course, does not recommend anything else. Probably only because goat farmers do not have a large lobbying group. Cynical eh? Anyway.

Steven left me for a week. We all missed him terribly. But he had a blast. He went with Sage, Grandma, and Grandpa Berg to the Children of the American Revolution's Western Regional Meeting in Pocatello Idaho. We missed him terribly. As soon as we heard they were back, we jumped in the van and headed down to Shoreline to pick him up. Grandpa hasn't forwarded me the pictures yet, so you will have to wait, sorry about that.

Apparently I need more pictures. My wonderful brother Sam actually didn't know we were expecting a new baby until Jonny sent out that less than informative email announcing Joshua's birth. Emily, Sam's wife, knew and assumed that Sam did, but since he never reads my blog, he never knew. (You see I have two siblings in Europe and long distance phone plans have thus far prohibited frequent contact.) "So Sam, why do I write this blog to keep family and friends updated if family and friends do not read it?" Answer: Lack of pictures. If I had more pictures "like Satoko's amazing pictures" he might spend the time to look at my blog. WHATEVER!!!
Next option: webcam. I now have one, anyone want to chat?

The Need to Simplify

I am a self-proclaimed curriculum junkie. I love looking things up and researching various resources, approaches, and philosophies in education. Thankfully, I do not have the budget to allow me to purchase all of the wonderful things out there. But that does not stop me from reading up on it. Consequentially, I have made a sort of name for myself as someone to go to for questions regarding curricula. I must talk to much. I tend to do so when I am excited about something and education and homeschooling excite me.

Anyway, A few weeks ago I was asked what my bare bones curriculum selections would be. What would I use if I was homeschooling on the road, (or in a sailboat sailing around the world) or what I would like to have in an emergency type situation without any outside resources. I had not really considered this idea before and being the nerd that I am, I had to come up with an answer; it was a new challenge. I finally compiled a list and added it here. I really enjoyed the process.

I really am a want to be minimalist. I love the idea of getting rid of stuff and having an empty house. My brain would then be free from having to care for all that stuff that I only use on occasion if at all. So why do I have so much stuff? Yes all the extra is fun, but I don't need it. With education, it is that "school I want to have someday." I tell myself that "even if my children do not use it, someone will. I should keep it for then." Whatever!!! So my problem is that I am also a collector. I also love self-reliance and collect items that would be helpful in an emergency or back-to-basics type lifestyle. All this extra just-in-case just gets in the way of my purging.

But going through the process of analyzing my options, deciding what I would really need, I realized how little it was. I now feel free to let more of that stuff go. I do not need to complicate my life so much. Now I just need the time to de-clutter my junk.

So recently I have become a recovering curriculum junkie. On to recovery and the end of the eternal search for the "perfect curriculum".

Week 4

Isaac was baptised Saturday June 5th. It was simple and quiet. Hyrum and his family and Mom, Dad, Sage, and Grandpa Volkman came up. Grandpa Johnson was visiting from Arizona and had brought cousin Tyler. The only other person besides family in attendance was the Bishopric member. I suppose that is what happens when you are too quiet and miss church for the couple of weeks prior to the event. I loved it though. Joshua received his name and blessed afterward. We then came back to our house and had dinner together.

Joshua had his 2 week check-up on Monday the 7th. His weight was back up and he is amazingly healthy. I made an appointment with Dr. O'Hara for Thursday the 10th. She is the Seattle area's breastfeeding specialist and speaks at Le Leche League conferences and such. So I had to last until then. She assessed him, acknowledged that yes, this is what he is doing, but she could not figure out why. She suggested I go to an orthopedic specialist in infants. The best in the region happens to be on Whidbey Island, so I made that appointment. I had to last that long. When I saw her she assessed him and gave him a gentile adjustment. It could be because of the tension in his jaw or at the base of the skull (where the skull meets the neck. There are some nerves that pass through there that affect the tongue) but she can't be sure. She worked those areas and asked me to come back in a week (tomorrow). If after 2 appointments if things do not improve they are unlikely too.

In the mean time I am trying to nurse him. He is just so frustrated. When he does seemingly latch on, he is not actually transferring the milk and swallowing. He is still hungry. I have reached my limit. I can't ask him to try anymore. After 4 weeks, I am tired and the rest of my family needs me. If he was my only child, I could probably keep trying and maybe he would eventually catch on. But I need to put my house in order and be a wife and mother.

So I will pump and bottle feed. I am mourning the loss of the breastfeeding experience. Not only is it easier and healthier, but I like it. It fits my lazy, less-to-think-about style. But he is a beautiful baby and I love him dearly. The other kids adore him. I knew that home births can create a closeness among siblings, but it has been fun to experience that as a mother. I did experience that when Sage was born. Jennifer and I just adopted her and loved taking care of our youngest sister; she was ours. Now I have had that experience as a sibling and as a mother.

Things I have learned through this experience:

• Avoid breast pumps made by formula companies. They have ZERO incentive to make a good product
• Volunteer organizations are wonderful. After dealing with LLL and the other volunteer organizations like the one that gave me my pump, I am just about convinced that everything would be better run by passionate volunteers.
• Fenugreek is a fabulous herb for milk production. The stuff is magic.
• I have an amazingly patient family. I am so blessed.

I have learned more than this and may share more later. I was hoping to give you a wonderful success story. But I do have a healthy baby boy and he is loved by his big brothers and sister. I am so blessed.

Happy Birthday Steven

I tried to talk him into staying 10 for another year, but he just ignored me. Children!!!

I have enjoyed him so much lately. He is blossoming into a wonderful person. I am so blessed to have a front row seat to watch, encourage, cheer, and guide him.

Climbing up the ivy covered tree

falling off the ivy covered tree

up again

down again

shooting with his friend

Week 2

So we managed to get his weight back up. Big relief! But in the process of supplementing, my milk supply went way down. The doc said that as he nurses, my milk will increase. Tuesday night I came to conclusion it wasn't happening. I needed my milk up so that he could learn to latch on, but I needed him to latch on in order for my milk to go up. AARRGGHH!!!

Wednesday morning I called Le Leche League. May I just say, I LOVE LE LECHE LEAGUE!!! Julie made a two hour drive (1 hour each way) to get me an awesome real double pump. She came to my home, set me up, and did her best to assess Joshua. She said, "If they aren't nursing, it is because they cannot nurse. All instincts are pointing them towards that end so if it isn't happening, something is in the way. She noticed a few things that may be causing the problem. His tongue isn't doing a wave action like it is suppose to, but is bunched up in the middle. Consequentially, he is trying to compensate by using his entire mouth muscles to do the job. But this is fatiguing. He tries but tires and lets go, tries and lets go. She noticed that his lower jaw is receded. She admits that she does not know if it is enough to cause problems but she suspects that it is. It is called mandibular hypoplasia. This could have affected the development of his tongue. She recommended a breastfeeding specialist in Seattle. I set up an appointment for next Thursday. Julie's help was spread over the course of the day. She came, left, and returned with more information and pointers. She left me with a finger feeder. This little device will syphon the milk through a flexible tube I place on my finger, he then sucks on my finger instead of plastic nipples. This will help reduce nipple confusion. She showed me a different position that would help him latch on better with his jaw. I was SO grateful for her help.

But wow, what a lot of work this is going to take. I am already tired and overly emotional. Do I call the Relief Society for more help, dinners and child care? Do I put my other children second for the foreseeable future? If so, I have no right to return to college classes in July. Is all of this worth it? Is it necessary? I'll have to figure it out. I will continue down this path for as long as I feel impressed to do so. I just hope I quickly learn the lessons of this trial so that it won't be long.

And then to top it off, he now has thrush; just one more thing to make this difficult.

Well tomorrow will be an important day. Isaac is going to be baptised and confirmed, and then Joshua will receive his baby blessing. We are doing it at the same time so that family will not have to make extra trips. Jonny's Dad is here from Arizona for the events, so this is the time. I'll try to get in a shower before then.