A Long Overdue Update

Well friends, it has been a long time since I wrote.

I did finish school (an none too soon).  It wasn't just my sanity that was on the line either.

Has anyone ever mentioned to you that full time school with small children can be hard on a marriage?  Well, if not, let me inform you.  This was tough.  This was harder on my dear husband than I had realized.  In fact, over the past year, I offered to just quit and let it go a couple of times.  ~Finishing school was not worth loosing our marriage.  Yes, I was scared several times.  But I'm pretty sure we are OK now.  How be it, I won't be looking for full time employment any time soon.

The kids are happier too.  One of Daniel's teachers said that about the time I finished, he blossomed in class.  (on a side note, that was a fun class.  it was all about inventions and they made a couple cool ones.)  I am calmer, they are calmer.

I slept and didn't wake up till I wanted to.  Sometimes I didn't even get up tell 6:30 or 7:00.  I still like to wake up and study my scriptures before the kids wake up.  I am doing more of that too. - This I love.   I started to exercise again.  I am not one who loves to exercise, but I also don't like being out of breath after going upstairs.  I watched all sorts of British costume dramas.  I LOVE Lark Rise to Candleford.  All 4 seasons are on YouTube by the way.  I highly recommend it.  I also watched Call the Midwife, Cranford, Our Mutual Friend, Bleak House, and several Jane Austins.  I'm sure there were some more in there, but that is probably more than I should admit to.

We were able to go back to Arizona and see family again.  It was fabulous.  We borrowed a trailer, which made the trip so much more cost effective since we no longer fit in one hotel room anymore (6 person per room limit).  It was so good to see friends and family again.  The week we got back was Cub Scout Day Camp and Pioneer Trek for Steven.  I never went on trek: it hadn't spread from Utah up to Washington when I was in the youth programs.  But it must really be something.  Steven came back with the biggest smile on his face as he told me all the awful things that happened and how hard it was.  And he wasn't the only one with that attitude.

I am doing all sorts of planning for home school this year.  Steven is going to studying the Civil War through WWI (we probably won't get to WWII to present until next year.)  So I am doing some reading to prepare for that.  I just read Booker T Washington's autobiography Up from Slavery.  I am SO IMPRESSED with the man.  I love the way he thinks and lives his life.  Truly a man to look up to.  I have a new hero.

Isaac will stay in the elementary school this year.  They are making an exception for him so that he can stay there another year before sending him to the middle school.  I'm glad, it will give him a little more time to grow up and develop.

I am trying something new for Daniel and Rebecca this year and I am very excited.  I am constantly amazed at how I am lead to the right thing at the right time.  Two days after I finished student teaching, I found a new home school curriculum/program.  Two days after... yet I should have come across it earlier.  It had been mentioned on several blogs and websites I frequent, yet I somehow missed it.  I missed it until I was ready to spend the time and energy to study/implement it.  Another tender mercy: Just one more piece of evidence that I am on the right track.  I had learned about The Principle Approach several years ago, liked it, and wished there was an LDS version.  The published version was graded, in that every grade was separate and I know that I cannot teach all subjects separately for each of the children and keep my sanity.  I need to combine as much as possible.  I couldn't spare the time to put into figuring it out for myself so I let it go.  The curriculum I found is called the Family School and it is the Principle Approach, LDS based, and combines subjects for the children.  I was thrilled.  I do not know that I will stick with it forever, but the methods it uses (the essence of the principle approach) I will likely keep.  And using the scripted curriculum will help me absorb how it all works.

In other news:
Jonny is being affected by the military cutbacks and is being furloughed one day every week for 3ish months-essentially a 20% pay cut.  Not so fun. especially after spending what money we had on a vacation. (ok, we really didn't have it:, we are still paying it off and this is going to make that take longer.)
I have a new nephew, another will be here in another month.  YAY!!
And my youngest sister will be married at the end of the month.  HAPPY, HAPPY!

All in all, life is still busy.  But the Lord promised me a break, and this is a lovely one- I am enjoying it very much.

Almost There

Student Teaching has been a roller coaster of an experience.  January it was fabulous.  I loved spending time with the kids, helping, teaching, and meeting the staff.  I quickly began my Clinical Observations did well and improved each time.  The kids were doing well and time just went quickly.

February was good.  Steven started to have some conflicts with Lori, personality differences. I worked on and completed my big huge TPA assignment.  That was a lot of work and a huge accomplishment.  I sent the family away almost every Saturday so that I could work on it and get it done.  It was good, but tiring.  Towards the end of the month, Lori had a couple of sick days, and the kids spent a few days here, a few with the Walton's and a few with the Atwood's.  The change got hard on Joshua. For about a week, he just wouldn't stop crying for more than a short time.  He is such a happy boy, this change was quite alarming.  I began to be anxious for this to be done; I want to be back with my family.  It got to be too much for Lori so the kids are split up.  She still has Daniel, Joshua, and Rebecca.  Steven and Isaac are at the Walton's.  It is working out very well.

March.  I'm almost there.  The plan was for me to teach practically exclusively for a week, then officially alone for 2 weeks.  The last full week I am to pass it back to the host teacher and spend some time observing other classrooms. I am almost done.  The transition seemed to go well. I did the whole week alone with her in the room only occasionally.  She still did a lot of the discipline though.  This made me a bit anxious, because up until now, that was the one thing I had not really taken over.  It was going well though; I knew they would test me and I felt prepared. 

I was not! I was totally taken aback by the level of testing and challenging I received.  These sweet lovely children turned into monsters.  OK, not really.  But they needed to know what I expected of them and I had failed to clarify that for them.  For 2 days it went from bad to worse.  In fact on day 3 the principal came in for a scheduled observation to witness, without a doubt, the worst lesson I had ever given.  I had 5 very active boys all defiantly not participating.  Of course no one can learn in that type of environment.  It was awful.  I received a blessing that night.  The principal gave me some good suggestions though and I put them to work the next day.  It began to get better.  That day I had an observation from my clinical supervisor.  I did not have time to talk with him that day because the observed lesson was sandwiched between other learning segments.  But everyone else did.  My principal and host teacher gave him the run down.  I met with him the following morning.  He also gave me some good suggestions full of constructive criticism and some good solid council.  I put them into practice right away.  It got better.  Slowly but surely.  It is Saturday.  Come Monday I will have to assure the kids that I still mean what I say I mean.

Yes, the full time student teaching is hard, but that is not all.  Yes, it is hard for me to dominate a room when that is not in my nature, but that is not all.  Yes, I am getting "trunky" and want to be done, but it is more than that.  The more I am immersed in the school system, they more I want to get out of there.  I don't like the environment.  25 kids and one adult is not just unnatural, I think it is unhealthy.  Those trouble makers are fabulous kids.  I love each one of them.  They are brilliant and I wish I could do more for them.  But then there are the quiet ones who are easily overlooked, my heart yearns for them too. 

I just cant put it into words.  I have a constant anxiety knot in my stomach.  I don't like the system, but I have to learn and live the system, it is a literal hour by hour battle for me as I have to talk myself into continuing.  I don't understand why it affects me so strongly.  I can't bad talk the system; after all, there are good things happening there. But it is definitely not perfect and I long to have the freedom to teach academics through the Spirit.  I am not good enough yet to accomplish that in the regular classroom.  Maybe someday I will be.

I'm getting it though, it is getting better and easier.  10 days.  One more week of full time, then I begin to pass it back.  My course work is done.  My big huge assignment is done.  My portfolio is done (minus the letters of recommendation that I still have to earn).  I only have 10 more days.  I can do this.

Yet through it all there has been so many tender mercies from my Father in Heaven to assure me and help me.  The morning of my worse day I read from the Lorenzo Snow lesson for this Sunday.  It said:

“My young friends, there is an opportunity for you to become great—just as great as you wish to be. In starting out in life you may set your hearts upon things very difficult to attain to, but possibly within your reach. In your first efforts to gratify your desires you may fail, and your continued efforts may not prove what may be termed a success. But inasmuch as your efforts were honest efforts, and inasmuch as your desires were founded in righteousness, the experience you obtain while pursuing your hearts’ desires must necessarily be profitable to you, and even your mistakes, if mistakes you make, will be turned to your advantage.”

Oh thank you!  I was finally able to cry.

Yesterday as I drove to school I looked up to a flock of birds flying overhead.  Among them was a bald eagle.  He perched in a tree just in front of me.  I thought of Mom.  She spent enough time with the Indian tribes to put importance on the Eagle.  She always felt that it was good if an eagle flew over you as you were driving along.  "Mom, did you send me that eagle?"  And I knew she had.  I knew that she was sitting right next to me and that she had been right next to me through this whole thing.  She wouldn't have left me through this.  This is and amazingly difficult thing for me to do.  She wouldn't leave me.

The steady stream of tender mercies are overwhelming.  How grateful I am for a Father in Heaven who loves me.

quick hello

OK, an update.
I have finished the first three of 12 weeks of student teaching.  I am with a second grade classroom with a really good teacher at a school across town (about 8 minutes away).  I am loving it.  It is exhausting, but I love teaching.  I can already tell that it is going to be hard to leave these kids in another 9 weeks.

My clinical supervisor, the man who comes in six times to observe and grade me, said that with his teaching and 30 years as a principal, I exceeded all his expectations for a student teacher.  I was pleased, but I do think it helps to have taught Primary, Sunday School, Young Women's, and Relief Society for so many years.  I do feel much more prepared now than I would have 20 years ago.  OH, I cringe at that thought.  I was SO shy and unsure of myself, its just painful.  I really don't think I am the same person I was then.  (I know...DUHH!).

Jonny has taken over many things for me such as laundry (probably out of necessity, but hey: I'm grateful).  The kids are doing well.  Friend, Lori is watching them.  I will love her forever.  She was an answer to 5 years of prayer.  I never expected to find someone who would thank me for letting her watch my 5 children.

Isaac started back at school this semester.  He is happy and enjoying it. He is receiving speech and occupational therapy again.  They managed to create an individual schedule just for him.  I have yet to get any feedback as to how it is working; I'll have to do some emailing this week.  I've met with everyone on his team, but since I happen to have the same working hours that they do (go figure), I can''t make my presence known as well as I would like. They might be surprised when I start showing up all the time come April.  (heeheehee!)

Now to just stay healthy.  The neighboring 2nd grade class ended their day on Friday with a whopping 7 students.  The rest of the class either didn't come in or were sent home with the flu.  We lost 2 after lunch, but nothing like that class.  The district sent out a letter asking everyone to keep sick kids home.

Well, that's what I'm up to.  Not much time to think outside of lesson plans, but the days are getting longer and spring is just around the corner.  With that corner comes the close of a very difficult chapter.  I'm not quite ready to be excited for the next one, this one is still too big, but the climax is very much in site.  In fact I had better get busy before the climax hits me on the backside.

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