First Week Musings

It never really struck me the first 2 or 3 babies, but since then it has. During postpartum time I am so grateful for the little things. Running water, warm water, showers, washers and driers, warm houses away from drafts, disposable conveniences. I am in awe of the centuries of women who have done this without these wonderful gifts. I am truly blessed.

The kids are adoring Joshua. It is so fun to watch. I love the first few days with such a special new spirit. I seem to forget how special new babies really are.




I have been absolutely horrible about returning phone calls this week. Joshua is having a hard time learning to latch on. By Thursday morning, he was looking very jaundiced, his dirty diapers had dropped down to only one or two wet and no poopy, and we had spent a very frustrating night with him trying, but not being able to eat. I called the Doctor / midwife Thursday morning. She had me come in right away. His jaundice wasn't too bad, but of concern. He had also lost 18 oz. She gave me a breast shield to try. I had never used one, but it seemed to help. So every hour that I was awake, he needed to be nursing, if he didn't improve, we would need to go to the hospital. No Pressure!?! Friday his jaundice looked much better, he had had 4 wet diapers, but his weight was still down, stabilized, but he hadn't gained. I needed to get his weight up and my milk supply up. I would also need to pump and give him that too.




I have a hand pump but never really got the hang of it. So Joshua and I stopped at WalMart to get an electric pump. I don't like carrying those car seats, so I just wrapped him up in my coat. It was raining a bit so he was hidden. Here I was, Woman on a mission: get in, get that machine (ignore the one more expense) and get out, so my baby can be healthy. I am not seeing all the people smiling and looking at me until a scruffy looking 20 year old guy said "Hi" to me. That woke me out of my zone. Again, I had forgotten how special babies are. I began to return the smiles that I was receiving only because I was carrying a baby. I had brought joy into Walmart by bringing my baby.

So we began this absolutely insane schedule of nursing and pumping every two hours. WHAT?!? It is not even physically possible to to fit that into a two hour period. At least not if I am supposed to eat, let alone sleep. Here I am waking a new born to eat at 3:00 AM. But I do my best. He is gaining, but I can't keep up with the pumping too. About the time I started bleeding, I decided that I would try supplementing with formula. I would still nurse at the right times, but I would try to get another ounce of formula in him too. This is working better. (I realized I hadn't showered in 3 days.) My mission is to get him back up to birth weight and then I can work on the latching-on issues.





I do not like the idea of formula, especially for such a new person. I love breastfeeding. I love the convenience, simplicity, bonding, cost, and child spacing it provides for me. But as I see him chow down on that bottle, I am very tempted to put it aside. Many breastfeeding purists would criticize and consider me a failure. At this point I figure if my baby does not thrive, I am failure. I'll keep fighting for the breastfeeding; the health benefits are so worth it in my mind.




Asking for frozen dinners instead of gifts was pure inspiration. It has been such a blessing not having to worry about dinners in the middle of all of this. I have been so absorbed with taking care of him. So if you are among the many I was planning on calling this week and didn't, this is my excuse.